It all started on Tuesday evening…with the knowledge of Jacques and the girl I had befriended who had been dating. Ya. I threw up a little too. What followed was a 24 hour rip tide that ebbed and flowed in any direction.
At the end of it all.
I’m not sure exactly how I feel about everything. Nonetheless, here’s the story.
So. I found out about Jacques and the girl at the sailing club with whom he is dating. They don’t show it at the club. But I am smarter than they give me credit for. PLUS she’s all “I dunno what’s what with him and I” and I’m all…WHY AM I SITTING HERE LISTENING TO THIS. I can’t be that girl.
But I need to start at the beginning of this 24 hour shit show.
Tuesday night is racing night. I couldn’t find someone to race with so I hunkered down on the patio. (Best patio in Vancouver). And by chance, my friend (SSC)from Sudbury ended up being in town for Tuesday night only and she came to the club to join me for dinner. By the time she joined me, it was 8pm and the racers were coming off the water.
This included the new girl and the rescue crew – inc. Jacques and a myriad of others.
SSC met the new girl. She didn’t like the new girl.
Later returning to my car, I saw new girl and Jacques talking in the parking lot. She basically raced out after he had left the patio. And as I saw them chatting. I got angry.
Angry at myself that I was letting this get to me. Things that I cannot control. Mad at myself for letting myself open up to him and her at different times when obviously that was a mistake. Pissed that I still don’t know how to pick decent friends sometimes.
Thank god I was with SSC. She and I had a fantastic gab session until 1am at my place. Not just about me and my lil world, but about life and love and work and all those things. Hate that she lives so far away. But on the flip side, our time together is much more meaningful when we do get it.
Continuing with the flow, after less than 5 hours sleep. Go to work. Where I did some google searching about tooth pain and came to the conclusion I needed to see a dentist as I suspected I have a bottom wisdom tooth coming in and it was becoming infected. So i took off work at noon and departed for the dentist.
Since I had time, I figured I would run an errand. During the running of the errand. GUESS, who I ran in to? JUST EFFING GUESS?
Which was civil. It was fine. He’s now directing. He’s now making $3500 a week. He now can afford things. He seems calmer and more at ease with life. I still feel he blamed me for holding him back which is absurd. He’s still with his new girl. I’m glad.
That was the longest 20 mins of my day.
3.5 hours later.
It was determined that sometime during the late 80s/early 90s that a dentist removed my adult 3rd molar to make room for “new teeth” coming in. After the full mouth x-ray, the “new teeth” turned out to be my wisdom teeth. Apparently this practice was the “thing to do” by dentists out of California and a lot of BC dentists apparently adopted the now defunct idea of removing molars for wisdom teeth.
I now need to find a new dentist who can remove the bottom teeth. Preferably without the need for surgery.
By the time I got home, I was beat. Exhausted. Mentally. I had a nap. Couldn’t even bring myself to open emails or attempt to do some work.
An hour later. I zoned out playing beach volleyball and just played. Didn’t think about anything else. Just hit the ball, passed the ball, set the ball on repeat.
Then went home to bed. WHERE the NEW GIRL was texting me. And I don’t reveal me. I just respond to her. This is a fine line. I don’t want to throw wrenches into the works because I see her almost every weekend. But I can’t remain close with her. Just not sitting right. Detour required. Major detour required.
I finally rested at midnight. Where I stared at the ceiling until I fell asleep thinking about the ebb and flow of the last 24 hours.
Somehow there’s drama because I care. I care about people. I care how I’m treated and how I treat others. It irritates me to no end when that consideration is not reciprocated. However, with the full knowledge that I can’t do anything about it. And possibly that is what frustrates me the most. I can only control how I behave or how I process things. That is logical thinking. That’s how I am trying to be. Finding my zen if you will.
But the Gemini side of me wants to light Jacques boat on fire and write bad reviews for every film/tv show FilmGuy gets to direct.
Ebb and Flow.