The world is pretty in pink…plus…sometimes it even sparkles

Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

One Year Later

It’s been one year since I visited this space.

So much has changed but hasn’t.

I’ve gotten over Jaques and the crazy girl. Friendships have evolved and my lovelife has been quite busy with great encounters and rendezvous but not one who stuck.

Still on the job hunt for something better and more fulfilling.

Sailing but not as much due to injury.

Playing beach volleyball, but not as much due to the same injury.

Owning my life and my actions and the thought that I met a person whom I thought would change my life for the better. I felt a way I’d never felt.

The details are irrelevant really.

What sucks is that I feel played.

He said things to me, about me. Made me feel special and amazing just like I know I am. I was able to be me.

Apparently though, I’m too sassy for him.  I’m too outgoing for him. I’m too much for him.

All the things he said he liked about me are now making him second guess everything about me.

I have so many unanswered questions.

He has other stuff going on that trumps him and I.  His life is not simple. And in turn I’ve wasted time. I have no idea how he feels about me. I’m being a girl? He’s being a guy.  And this has all made me very upset and distracted from other things going on in my life that I need to address but haven’t. I promised myself I wouldn’t let a guy do this to me. But I have.

I feel foolish. Sad and disheartened. That I opened up and got stomped on. Glutton for punishment of showing my heart.

My life is simple. I’ve worked hard to make it this way. He’s making me all up in my head. He’s making me second guess myself and my actions. In reality, I shouldn’t be. There is nothing wrong with me.

In the past three months I’ve had five different men, including Him, tell me how amazing and fantastic and wonderful I am. And at the end of the day. All of these men are unavailable because they are either married, my random exes, or leading complicated lives, live outside this world or are down right not my type.

I am grateful for where my life is and have immense gratitude for those in it. But I am an amazing person. I need someone who is able to handle that. And who wants to sail. Because I will own a boat one of these days. This is my passion. My life. And I refuse to give it up.

 

Advertisements

The Receding Anxiety

The anxiety is settling.

Mainly because Jacques actually said something nice about my sailing capabilities 7 days later. I found out in fact he was saying it to others and one person actually said… “Have you told Jewels this?”….*crickets*

He finally told me. Sunday evening in a convo that included his regular sailing partner and it was all good.

Just conversation between him and I feels so weird.

We don’t have much in common I think.

I do catch him checking me out though. Which is flattering. Thankfully, nothing comes of it. Why make things more awkward than they are?

All in all the anxiety is receding. Except the question about what to do with my dad situation. I am good at squelching that. And currently, I think that’s what I want to do.

English Has Left the Country

In a sad turn of events (but expected), English has returned to the cliffs of Dover. Literally. He got on a plane eastward bound in the wee hours of this morning.  He will be back in his homeland in time for the weekend and his continuation of fulfilling the next two to three years (I think) to qualify for his pension one day and return to Vancouver.

Even after the spastic-ness of myself last Friday evening, turns out I did not pooch the friendship and he is not ignoring me. Which I must say is a relief. He’s just letting me be the crazy (good and bad) Pirate Girl that I am and texting when he can and when he is near WiFi. Needless to say, the dependence on WiFi is painful and the window that was available Tuesday night to meet up evaporated when he texted me trying to use What’sApp. But to be clear, the texting is no longer as flirty as it was say…the first night he arrived.

It was a sad realization, however,  at 10:30pm Tuesday night to know we wouldn’t see each other again this trip. Failed texts and attempts to hang out have been thwarted by his popularity, my busy active single life and lack of technology or brain power to man up and pay the exorbitant text cost in Canada when the WiFi doesn’t work.

He did man up Wednesday morning and just texted using iMessage that came with the phrases “so sorry”, “can’t meet you on the North Shore”, “have a great time at the beach after work”, and “Big Hug”. Kinda feel like this has been a ploy so someone (ie. me) from Vancouver will come visit him in Kent. Or is that just optimistic and wishful thinking?

Regardless, I’m securely back in random friend zone, feeling like the connection we once had or have, does not translate well on text messaging or emails. It’s hard to explain. But I’ll take the friend zone. Not going to lie, it is a sigh of relief to know he’s still my friend. Now, if I’m a better friend (believe me, I’ve been that absent friend the last year), then next time he’s in town, maybe I won’t be relegated to the sorry pile.

 Life is better with him in it, whatever the status of the relationship is.

I Never Knew

I arrived at the pub at 12:30ish and ran into English who was talking with a former female co-worker, who definitely has a thing for this charming English man. And I was coming off a rough evening of honestly answered questions by Frenchie and realizations that I pick stupid men to hang out with.

English asked me what was wrong and I said…nothing. He knew different.
Female co-worker wish I would just leave. You could tell by her eyes and lack of conversation. So I drunkenly bought a round…inc. Female Co-worker and then found a seat with randoms who ended up buying me a shot while I waited for English to say good bye to her.

He did. Then I had a chance to finally talk with him.

Unfortunately I was drunk and a lot of the details are foggy. But it went something like this.

me – It’s been a year

him – two

me – since we met and i’m an idiot

him – *nodding yes*

me – and now you don’t live here. I miss you.

him – I miss you too.

*pause* hands holding

him – I have plans to stay at other peoples places, I just can’t ditch them…

me – I know.

him – i’m not seeing anyone in England or here.

me – will we ever know?

and then I don’t remember.

But I do remember this. I never knew I saw him that way until I was out with an asshole and all I wanted to do was be with English. See English. All because he kissed me. And I missed him. I missed our laughs, our random dancing at midnight, our candid conversations. I never knew I missed him until that moment.

And now it seems that he’s moved on from that. I don’t blame him either. Two years is a long time to wait for someone to get their act together. To go through the shit they needed too.

There has been some texting but nothing too flirty…just him saying he wishes he could see me. My feeling is, yes I understand, but if there’s a will there’s a way. Sometimes you just need to make things happen, especially if that’s what you want.

And I don’t think he wants. For no other reason than that. It’s not what he wants.

Sure it doesn’t help he’s living in England for the foreseeable future and I’m here.

I’ll deal with all this. There’s nothing else I can do. I can’t make him find time to see me let alone text or talk. If he no longer wants I can’t make him.

But I don’t remember him being this attractive, this put together in his life until now. And he’s possibly one of the nicest guys.

And I never knew.

Concensus

Asshole.

That’s what the trivia night pals called Jacques after one night  of not even having to talk to him.  And these aren’t even my “go to” friends. These are my softball mates and going out for beers mates.

And I couldn’t agree more the more I think about it.  Kinda embarrassed actually that he even came last week, I totally knew it wasn’t his scene and I totally thought he would bail when I gave him the lo-down of the crappy bar, cheap beers, hipster friends who are chill. But no. He still came. And acted like a douche.

Thank god I got outta my head and recognized this on my own, just wish it was before last Tuesday night, but I least I recognized it at all.

Oh well. Can’t win them all.

 

Home. Finally.

After approximately 30 hours of travel time – inc. transfers, layovers and flight time, I finally made it home to YVR. The sun is sort of shining. it’s cold outside and the leaves are all different colours than when I left three weeks ago. I missed my city. More importantly, I missed living by myself.

So now I sit here alone, gazing out over English bay and a partial view of the mountains, wondering what I should do first…finish the cleaning/organizing that I didn’t finish before I left? go through mail? unpack and start laundry? or shower?

I’m going with shower as priority number 1!

THEN I can divulge into my adventures at the bar on Friday night and how I didn’t get home until Sunrise – or after the sun had rose?

Currently, it is fun to be single. And hopefully when the right man shows up, I’ll know. Also, I won’t settle for anything that I am not comfortable with. Gotta be true to myself. I am not getting any younger!

Protected: un. real.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: