Yesterday and today haven’t been my best days. I’ve been sad.
FilmGuy is going to NYC for work for the next three weeks. We knew that this could happen and I was supposed to go with him in that event. We were always talking about going to NYC. It was a place we wanted to go together. Now he’s going. I’ve wanted to go there since I was 13. Still haven’t gone. I’m hoping all that will change in November, but until then, I’m here in YVR.
Even though the past 14 days FilmGuy has been basically bi-polar in his attitude towards me, I still know the fun we had together and the laughs we shared. He’s angry at me or himself or both. I dunno. All I do know is that I’m sad. Sad that he’s planning Seattle trips for NFL games and going to NYC. Things we did and wanted to do together.
I am not planning these things. Instead I have to buy things to furnish my apt. Buy things to replace all the things I left at his place or got rid of to move into his place. Yes. This makes me even more sad. Because instead of buying things for us, I’m just buying things for me. My life. Alone.
I do know it will get better. I do know that things between FilmGuy and I are so far down the rabbit hole there is no way in hell that I would ever revisit a relationship with him. Pigs would have to fly and I would have to die first. Regardless, it doesn’t hurt any less.
But everything gets put into perspective when you receive word that an acquaintance of yours and his new girlfriend died in a fly fishing accident over the weekend. It seems comical until you think about the fact that they fell/slipped or whatever into a fast moving and hazardous river and the girl has not been found.
It’s just a sad day.