The world is pretty in pink…plus…sometimes it even sparkles

There has been a lot of chatter going on about happiness, from bloggers [On the rant again & Vancityallie and from people around me in general and of course myself.

I feel the need to elaborate on my own stance. This might even be a tad repetative, but eh…it’s my sparkling world so…deal 🙂

In January/February of this year, I started to take a look at what I was doing, who I was hanging with and where I was going. All of this culminated into a few things. A spur of the moment decision to fork out the dough to go to Egypt with my dear friend KJ, the decision to recluse from people whom I didn’t feel bring out the best in me and work through the demons I’ve been ignoring or not know how to deal with for 25 years.

Big stuff.

While in Egypt, a lot of things fell into place. KJ’s support of the decisions I had made regarding some people and working on my demons helped. More than she knows.

These demons are about me and how I can be a better me in spite of my past. This is not about the so called “friends” that decided to share their views about me…those are in fact their demons and cross to bare. This is not about the disjunct in my immediate family. This is about me. I don’t care if you view it as selfish and quite possibly think that I am already selfish. I have never taken the time for this side before so here I go. Jumping off without a net. Taking a chance on my life and my happiness.

The best thing about all of this is that the decisions of self growth and determination to find self happiness happened before I met the NewMan and will continue after if in fact this NewMan and I hit the crapper [which would slightly SUCK, but I’d still live and breath so I guess that’s the positive side].

So as I stand here at my crossroads towards figuring out my happiness.

  • I’ve been reconnecting with my passion of music
  • I have to start running again [damn toe better heal soon! 8 weeks without running and I have restless anxiety!]
  • I am surrounding myself with positive people
  • Therapist helps
  • Letting this relationship with NewMan and I happen at whatever pace it’s meant too. It feels right, it’s flipping scary, calming, and nerve wracking in all the good, goofy, butterfly ways it should.
  • Knowing that if NewMan and I ever hit the crapper, I will be okay, because these changes are mine [although it would totally suck if that happened]
  • Reading some interesting non-fiction
  • Smiling and laughing every day

I’m choosing a path. I’m taking control of how I want to be and who I want to be with.

Sure my anxiety levels are all out of wack because I’m challenging myself to change. And although I made these deicisons before NewMan arrived on the scene, I must admit, he’s a welcomed and nice addition to all these changes.

With him, I am me.

The me I know and want everyone to finally see. Why I kept her hidden for so long, I am not sure, but I think Therapist and I will discover those reasons.

For now I’ll take some chances and jump. What do I have to loose? What’s the worst that can happen? I will still be able to breath.

Taking Chances

written by someone other than me sung by Celine Dion [not my fav artist…but good song]

Don’t know much about your life.
Don’t know much about your world, but
Don’t want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.

You don’t know about my past, and
I don’t have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it’s not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there’s solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there’s solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There’s nothing like love to pull you up,
When you’re laying down on the floor there.
So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there’s solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Don’t know much about your life
And I don’t know much about your world

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Comments on: "crossroads, happiness and taking chances" (1)

  1. You’re right, I’ve read a lot about this on the blogs recently. Or maybe I’m more attuned to it because I am on my own happiness journey. A lot of what you write I identify with. Here’s to onwards and upwards!

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