My dear friend Lex had a dinner last Friday in celebration of her birthday. At this dinner was a friend of hers, AW. Now AW and I use to get a long when we were in highschool but over the past 5 years our lives have gone in different directions. Although I feel that I did try to maintain a freindship, my efforts received no response. So I gave up on her and that sealed the fate of what remained of our friendship.
Through these years as a bystander I have begun to see things in AW that I don’t particularly like or care to associate with. The last straw was when she indirectly or directly criticized my decision to return to school for GIS. Apparently what I was going to do was extremely boring and why would I want to do that? [among other similar comments about my Geography degree] I took a deep breath and tried to let it slide at that moment. But I couldn’t let it go. Education is important to me. What kind of friend disses something that is important to you or your decisions that work for you???
But I digress. At dinner last Friday night, a miscommunication occurred between AW and myself. More because I don’t find her humour funny. Sly remarks [especially towards me] are not appreciated and normally I have been able to fake it and let them run off my back. For some reason Friday night I had enough. I shot AW a look and tried to remain quiet amongst her continued “It’s just a joke, gah”.
So I have received an email from AW regarding the miniscule interaction on Friday night. Although I deemed her email as verbally threatening and slanderous. I tried to refrain from the same type of language in my response. I took the highroad as best as I could – explaining my side of the story, how I don’t know how to approach her without feeling personally defensive and explaining what I want in a friend and people with whom I associate. I have yet to receive a response to my email which included an invitation to try and develop some form of positive communication.
I am trying not to pass judgement on what I feel is appropriate or inappropriate behavoir, especially on a person who I deem can be a bully. Not just to me, but at times to others including Lex from my perspective. Thus the true basis for my animosity towards this person. I don’t like how she treats my friend. However, that is not my battle. Lex does know my concerns and I have always said its her choice. I know, I know….less judgement…but come-on…I have standards for who I associate with and ultimately we all pass judgement of who we want to associate with.
Some individuals from that circle have suggested that since AW choose not to go to post secondary school that is a reason for this situation. Since when does a person’s education or lack of education become an excuse for their behavior towards others? I say thats crap and you can say the situation is because I went to school!!! so I don’t buy that reasoning. I think AW and I are completely different. We have made different choices and live very different lives. Which is what life is about. As long as you feel you’ve made the right decisions for yourself it shouldn’t affect how you relate with others, unless you are unhappy and bitter at your life as is. I should know. I use to be like that, put others down to have a laugh and make myself feel better. Good nature jibbing between friends is different from hurtful putdowns.
Ultimately I feel extremely torn by this situation. Do I try to continue a positive communication with AW as I will run into her again at other events for Lex? How do I talk to a person like this at those events if we don’t try to work out our differences now? My other friends have said to let it go and just forget it, but I’m going to cross paths with AW again. It is inevitable.